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Resentment – My Journey

Earlier today, I was browsing Facebook and came across a friend’s link to Beyoncé performing her song Resentment. Now, I recently got the CD and I’ve listened to most of the songs, but I haven’t really listened to all the lyrics yet. So I listened to the song all the way through, and it really struck a nerve with me. Not just because I could feel Beyonce’s performance as she got deeper into the song, but because I could relate. I could relate to the thoughts and feelings along with the situation she described in the song. Being lied to is not an easy thing to overcome; and being betrayed by someone you love makes it even harder to do.

After watching the video, I went about my business and didn’t think much more about it. For some reason though, the word resentment was stuck in my head. I was thinking of how I understood what the song was saying about how hard it is to forget and move on from something, but I never thought that the reason was because I was holding on to resentment. Hmmm. I’m thinking that I had forgiven and, even though I haven’t been able to forget, forgiving was all I needed to do – for myself. I had done the hard part and forgiven those who hurt me, so why haven’t I been able to fully move past the hurt?! Could it be that I’ve been carrying resentment around with me?… I didn’t think or feel like I resented my Love. I just never thought about my feelings in that way. After listening to the song though, I realized that’s what’s been going on.

For those who don’t know, according to Merriam-Webster Resentment is: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury. Sound familiar anyone? It did to me. See forgiving is a good first step, but forgetting is hard. It’s even harder though when you’re full of “displeasure or ill will at something [or someone] that/who is wrong, insulting, or hurtful”. Make sense? So now I’m wondering does it mean you haven’t really forgiven someone if you feel resentment… Part of me is thinking “no” because you can forgive someone and still dislike what they’ve done to you. I think what’s unhealthy and damaging is when we carry those negative feelings around with us instead of letting them go. And letting go can be challenging – I know. It is possible though – I believe.

When I realized my truth about dealing with resentment I began to see how it has affected some of my other relationships. You see, many times we feel wronged by family, friends, co-workers, church members, etc. [all the above for me] and whether we address those people or not we tend to hold on to the hurt and pain – or “displeasure and ill will” – we feel towards them. As a result we shut down, avoid them, lash out, etc. In the end, we’re left with relationships more damaged than when the damage was done. I know – this is my truth. What about yours?

As I said earlier, letting go isn’t an easy task, but I do believe it’s so worth it in the end. The first step is realizing and admitting what’s going on. Sometimes when we think we’re on the right path to happiness, we wonder why we keep hitting roadblocks. Many people say roadblocks are lessons to make us stronger/wiser along the way – I agree. I say, the other few are stumbling blocks falling out of the load we’re carrying with us – so let go of your load.

~ Ciara L. Walker

“Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people…but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.” ― Steve Maraboli

If You Really Knew Me

“If You Really Knew Me” is a TV show about breaking down barriers between students in high schools. It inspired me to write this post. What if we, as young men and young women, start working together to break down the barriers between us?! What if we start being the change that we want to see in generations to come?!

Looking at a situation from different perspectives and considering another person’s feelings is not always easy – especially when our own feelings are involved. However, after going through my own experiences and starting my journey as a budding counselor, I know that it IS possible! I’m aware that some people will be with me on this, and some people won’t. That’s Okay! My purpose in writing this is to give you something to think about. And I’m doing it in my own special way, so… Enjoy!

*Try to personalize this. Read it from your perspective, and then read it from another person’s perspective (maybe someone who has caused you pain OR who you’ve caused pain). It may not have the same effect on everyone, but hopefully it’ll get you to thinking…

If You Really Knew Me!

We are all different
And yet we’re still the same
We laugh
We cry
We have feelings
And we feel pain

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How Do You Know?

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ~Dr. Seuss  

During my time of writer’s block, I asked Love to suggest something to write about. His suggestion: Love… “How you know when you’re in love,” he specifies. Immediately, I think back to a few days earlier when I was talking with my friend and she asked the same thing of me. “Well, I’m no expert,” I thought to myself [in both situations]. I know how I feel about it, but who am I to tell another “what is” and “what is not”.?.  “Love” is complicated enough, right!?! So I put the post off – to contemplate. Then, yesterday I read a friend’s status on Facebook where he was asking, “How do you know if it’s love or lust”. Well, this was the third time that the topic had come to my attention. So, I’m weighing in…  

Being that this post was initially suggested by Love, I asked his opinion – to give another perspective in addition to mine. Like I said before, we’re no experts. We just know how we feel about it. So, below are just a few of many ways we feel let you know when you’re in love with Love…  

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Created to Change a Life.?.

What if you were created to change somebody’s life?      

We go through each day on this journey called Life; eating, sleeping, working, playing, shopping, going to church, attending events, etc. – just living, laughing, and loving. And in pretty much everything that we do, we encounter and interact with different kinds of people: good/bad, rich/poor, healthy/sick, employed/unemployed, smart/not so smart, informed/ignorant, sane/mentally unstable, happy/sad and all of those in between [you get the picture]. Do you ever stop to think how your actions (what you say and do) may affect any of those people – positively and/or negatively? And how this, in turn, may change their life – positively and/or negatively?      

I do, and I guess that’s what led me to write this post. Now, I admit that I am not perfect (and I acknowledge my imperfections). I too was taught to “treat others how you want to be treated” and have failed to do so at times – more so in my younger days (although I’m just 25 years young). I have hurt others – close to me and not so close to me. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to implement that advice in my journey of life… and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not always easy!      

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The Perfect Fit

Intertwined!
Like threads of a rope
Tying you to me
They fit perfectly     

As we come and go
Wherever we may be
Never coming undone
They fit perfectly     

United!
Like links on a chain
Connecting you to me
They fit perfectly     

Locking love in
And keeping hate out
Holding on strong
They fit perfectly     

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Forgiving Love.

“Love, Forgiveness, Letting Go, Peace.” ~ meditation affirmation given by best-selling “self-help” author Karen Salmansohn in her article “8 Ways to Forgive and Forget” posted on Oprah.com       

Inspiration:       

I recently finished reading this book called THE SHACK by WM. Paul Young. To keep from spoiling the book, I’ll just put what’s on the back of it…in case some of you haven’t seen/read it:       

“Mackenzie Allen Philip’s youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later, in the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend. Against his better judgment he arrives at the shack on a wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack’s world forever. In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant THE SHACK wrestles with the timeless question: Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain? The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him. You’ll want everyone you know to read this book!”       

I’ve had it on my mind to do this post on Forgiveness. But, I’ve been putting it off and putting it off, until today. We all are in need of a little help “letting go” at times. Honestly, I wasn’t aware of what I’d take away from THE SHACK when I read it, but by the time I reached the end I knew it had a purpose in my life; my journey – at this point in time. It was time for me to Love, Forgive, Let Go, and find Peace!       

My Story:       

* A year ago, I wouldn’t have shared this. But, the whole purpose of my blog is to inspire someone, to help someone, even if it’s just one person. I know I’m not the only one who has had to overcome these bumps in their journey. And maybe, my journey will bring you to a different place in yours…       

Love. Forgiveness. Letting Go. Peace. Those are all things that I’ve had challenges with over this past year. Love betrayed me. And I chose to Forgive. But Letting Go seemed so hard. And Peace was so far away.       

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